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the psychological power dynamic is as as import and exciting as the physical event. I imagine we could do years of therapy and analyze all of the traumatic events that led us here. It may be more than we can digest in this lifetime. I know there is a primal gravity that pulls me. I resist, but it has never gone away. Do you stay safe? Or have you gotten yourself in life threatening situation? I read "Pimp" a while back. It seems that the BDSM aspect is what drives the relationships. They are distracted by drugs and money but it seems the ultimate driver is control. There is an intense amount… Читати далі

he said he liked to have his cock licked and teased. He liked to be on edge for a long time. 2 currently unattached, overworked, divorced men. He wrote me on a gay hookup site. We sent each other a couple of cock picks. He lived 5 miles away. That might work.... He gave me enough information to get imagining myself tending to his cock as if desire was art. I have always loved eating pussy. When I started hooking up with guys, it was the same. I am not passive or submissive by nature. It takes a certain chemistry for me to get into it. Once I decide I will go down, I commit to getting t… Читати далі

he directed me to the liquor store. I was trying to contain myself. My thoughts of controlling the situation were not ever going to happen. He was a force of nature. He was going on about this 20 year old bitch. How he did things to her that she didn't know were possible. How he basically turned her out. Made a slave out her. How before he ended it he would only fuck her in the mouth or the ass. He wouldn't let her cum while she was with him. And how tight her little ass was. I could hardly drive while listening to him. He kept rubbing his cock through his pants.  I stammered, Did y… Читати далі

equally powerful forces of fear and desire were tearing at me. Fuck it. I need to do something to get me out of this. I pulled into the parking lot of that nasty building. Adrenaline was surging through me. It was too much. How could I do this? I can't breathe. My vision became more intense, I started seeing details I had not seen before.I spotted a homeless guy near the dumpster in the back. He spotted me and started walking towards my car. This was all so ugly. I can't. It was getting near 6pm. I just have to make it through this day. I drove back out and headed back to my house. I turned… Читати далі

Time passed. A few days I guess. I needed this obsession to stop. I have been thinking about when we used to jerk off together. Something about that time is confusing. Something is missing. Time is missing. I don't remember who that other guy was. It was always me and Tommy. Then we found the porn. Then the day he pulled out his hard cock and said innocently "do you jerk off?"  As if anyone didn't jerk off. I had never been with anyone before. I made out with girls but it never went past trying to get my hands up their shirts.  He started squeezing and stroking his cock, I was starin… Читати далі

The phone woke me up... The buzzing shocked me back into consciousness. It was my girlfriend. She reminded me we were going out to dinner. fuck.... I forgot. I forgot everything. I cleaned up and met her at the Mexican place we always go to. She asked me what's wrong a couple of times. I said "nothing, nothing's wrong, just busy at work. "  She didn't believe me but she let it go.  We went back to her house. I was dreading that she was going to want to fuck.  My cock was so sore from cumming twice earlier, I couldn't have been more sexually drained.  I had to beat… Читати далі

I clicked play, That long fat cock was sliding into the slave boys ass. I was covered in my own cum with the tingling taste of Tommy's cum in my mouth. I was grossed out and hit by a wave of shame about what just happened. My cock was in disagreement. I was so hard my cock was aching from having cum so intensely just a few minutes ago. Fuck the shame, the lust will always win out. There was so much cum on my cock and balls I didn't need any lube. I started stroking myself at the same pace of John Holmes pumping that big fat cock into his slave boy. I could imagine the pain of having all of… Читати далі

I was frozen, my eyes on the TV, but I may as well have been staring at the wall. The adrenaline was so intense it was hard to breathe. He blasted into my bedroom and said "dude!"I jumped.  "you are a life saver! If I can cum like that a few times a week I might be able to stay in that fucking house with that bitch a little while longer..." His pants were still opened as he stood there relieved. "I gotta go" He closed up his pants in front of me as if I weren't there. Or maybe like we were in a locker room. It was nothing to him. I was freaked out. He was gone. That was when I realize… Читати далі

More of my old friends are divorced and remarried or single than not. I am. Divorced with one just graduated k**. Was it worth it getting divorced? I don't know. It was expensive and gut wrenching. But I was a messed up k** with messed up parents. I hate getting all Freudian about it, but I continued the legacy of of the family tragedy. You know... I found a girl as sick as my dear old mom. Anyway, it was a horrible 15 years. So now, I sort of envy my buddies who didn't marry a mean, greedy asshole. Some of them actually married women who who made their lives better for the most part. Lets f… Читати далі

I never considered having sex with guys. The first guy I had a fantasy about, or more accurately, the first time I wanted to have sex with a guy was the drummer of the band I had been in. I was 17 or 18 and drinking and d**gging all the time as much as I could. Me and John hated each other. He was a little feminine in his demeanor but I never suspected he was into guys. He was mean as fuck in a sinister kind of way. I was always more explosive in my attacks. We fucked each others girlfriends and were generally shitty people. That summer. I was fucking my 16 year old stepsister, a girl who was… Читати далі

I cant stop thinking about sex. I cant get anything done. I have to be working but I stuck a plug in my hole and sit here with my cock… Читати далі

The older I get the more kink it takes to get me off. I have had some realizations over the years about primal sexuality. I was a really good looking k**. Very unpredictable and moody. Small, 5'6" wrestlers build. Super picky. beautiful people learn early they are beautiful but I have a lot of anxiety and only became sexually aggressive when I was drinking. I was the kind of guy that beautiful girls would cheat on their boyfriends with when they were in heat but I never could maintain a stable relationship. There was something about the risk of pregnancy that got me wild. I knocked up way too… Читати далі

I was a young and rudderless drunk. It was the weekend and some of the guys I grew up with worked at a wedding reception hall. One of the waitresses parents were out of town and had invited them over. I don't even know how I got there. I was shitfaced and on the edge of blacking out. I remember sitting on the couch with 3 or 4 guys drinking beer in the living room when my buddy came walking down the hall and said, Go down the hall, there is something down there you might like. I walked down the hall and saw her watching through the slightly opened door. As I got closer she swung open the door,… Читати далі

a note to a guy too far away... I dont consider myself a cheater but I know I am a hypocrite too. Sometimes, and I think that time is now, i get driven by some force inside of me and I need something different and new. Something to stir me up for a while. I know I will be finding a cock to suck in the next day or two. I was straight until my 40s. Then the divorce, then 2008 and my financial life crashed and burned. I started whoring around hard. I was using women like a dog. jerking off for days at a time. I was totally obsessed with my physical pleasure at the expense of everything. It went… Читати далі

For all practical purpose I am straight. It is only really exciting for me when the guy is in the same predicament. Driven by sexual tension. Doing this thing that large parts of my psyche tells me not to do... and doing it with or to a guy who is suffering the same demon. No talking, just cock... Pure lust. And if i'm being sucked off, the thought of this married guy, who is as rock hard as a teenager touching their first pussy because my hard cock is swelling in their mouth... and that he will go home to his mundane life after having my cock down his throat and my cum in his belly gets the e… Читати далі

hey, yea.... I never thought I would fuck around with a guy. After I got divorced I started slutting around on dating sites, fucking a lot of different women and throwing them back. It was interesting, I would have hot streaks and dry spells. It was around 2008 and the economy went to shit, I wasn't working. If I was in a dryspell I got into long edging sessions. As in, 10 or 12 hours of bringing myself to the edge and stopping. I think I saw all the porn. It led me to craigslist personals. looking at posts about wanting to hookup. I am not sure how I crossed the line into the M4M. It was a li… Читати далі

It is funny to me how my desires can shift. I have never gotten fucked in my ass and have never fucked another guy in the ass. In all the times I have hooked up with guys i have never really gotten to a place where the intensity of the situation took me past my inhibitions. There were a couple of times I saw the possibility clearly but I didn't follow through. Once where i hooked up with a guy to give him a massage. I did a deep muscle massage on him for close to an hour. I don't think he even realized the state he was in both mentally or physically by the time i started playing with his hard… Читати далі

I was so naïve when I was young. Sex seemed like an impossibility. And with a boy? God no... I had k**s try to pull my pants off a few times, mostly I think it was a bullying thing more than sexual. Although, who knows where these things go if they get your pants off. One time though, there was a k** who really tried to get my pants off. It wasn't just k**s beating on each other, he got me to go up on a roof with him and sort of attacked me. I was a fighter though. He was bigger than me but I was a feisty little bastard and I fought him until he gave up. It didn't occur to me until recently w… Читати далі

I have been with probably 10 or 15 guys I guess. All but 2 within a 4 year period that started in my mid 40's. I hadn't been with a guy until I was about 45. If I was professionally diagnosed, I would bet money the professionals would label me as straight with sexual novelty seeking behaviors. I am going to, for the sake of argument, assume you don't know anything about alcoholism/addiction or recovery from these. I have been in recovery for most of my life. Addiction is sort of an all encompassing thing. It isn't about drinking too much or smoking too much crack. It is a emotional disorder… Читати далі

It was about 4 years ago... It was late and I opened up craigslist figuring I would jerk myself off and go to sleep. I saw a new post pop up and responded. I figured we might jerk off together and fall asleep. I did that a lot. I didn't meet up with guys anymore. But he begged for me to meet him. He was a business man at a hotel in Raleigh. He was booked on an 6am flight to Chicago. He had a stressful week and was hoping to have an adventure before going back home to the family. He had a few specific requests. That I walk into the room without knocking, Pull my pants down to my ankles, sit… Читати далі