My femme name and more about me
When my mother was pregnant with me, everyone, including her, thought I was going to be a girl. This is WAY before ultrasound was even invented let alone in use. So my parents had a name ready: Monica Angela. Maybe my mother at least was disappointed because she already had a son and wanted a daughter instead.....she never quite said that, but throughout my life would remind me quite frequently that I "was supposed to be a girl". Imagine being told that, especially during puberty. Did that have anything to do with out I turned out? Probably. To me it made going through her lingerie drawer and trying on stuff feel right. Deep down I was supposed to be wearing pink nylon panties and lacey bras. (Her lingerie was simply underwear - she had nothing I would consider overly sexy).
My last name Delsanto. When I was 15 I got a job working in a small local grocery store. About a year later a girl with the last name of Delsanto began working there as a cashier and she was incredibly hot. She was petite, had dark frizzy big hair (it was the 80s after all) and ALWAYS wore bold dark red lipstick. Just looking at her made me get a hard on, but not why you think. I did not fantasize about fucking her. I fantasized about BEING her. I wanted to dress sexy like her and wear her red lipstick. I'd watch her smoke a cigarette and then reapply her lipstick afterward and then I would have to run to the men's room, go into a stall, and jerk off thinking about what she was wearing and how it would be to be dressed like her. She got hit on by lots of guys even significantly older ones and I was jealous. My jealousy had nothing to do with my wanting her (I didn't.....I never ever fantasized about sex with her), but simply the fact that I wished I could be just like her and get hit on by guys. By this time my sexual fantasies were focused on crossdressing and my budding curiosity of being with a man while dressed.
Around this time I accidently discovered hidden in a basement closet a brown shopping bag full of VHS tapes with my father's handwriting on the labels. What I eventually figured out was that he would go to the local video store and rent a porn tape that they kept in a back room. He'd bring it home and make a copy using a second VCR, then return the rented tape. I don't know when he watched them, but I watched them every chance I could. This was my first time actually seeing porn. Most of it was straight oriented but there was at least one bi male movie. It was summertime so I was home from school and didn't have to go to work at the store until the afternoon and both my parents were working all day. So I spent many mornings wearing my mothers clothes that were beginning not to fit anymore. watching porn and masturbating. I learned it was more pleasurable to edge myself than to cum right away. In the beginning I had to be careful I didn't cum in her panties or leave any stains on them, but luckily I discovered a worn out pair she threw out in the bathroom garbage that I took and wore often.
Watching straight porn I automatically identified as the female in the scene. I wished I could be her - to look look like her, to be dressed sexy like she was, and be used by a man. The men always had big cocks and mine was so tiny. Even fully erect I barely made 5 inches. Today it's more like 4 inches and rarely does it get hard. And I fantasized about what it would like to be on my knees sucking on those cocks and being bent over and fucked in my ass by them. It's what I thought about every night when I went to bed.
The bi male movie really excited me. The premise was the girlfriend wanted to watch her boyfriend being fucked by another man. Watching two hot guys make out and then fuck was just incredible! And to top it off, I vividly remember the man who was invited by the girlfriend being dressed in black leather from head to toe. That's when I realized that men in leather were a real turn on for me. I see a man wearing leather and my panties get instantly wet! The boyfriend was forced to sit on a dildo and then had to lick and suck the man in leather's cock while the girlfriend watched and called him a fa**ot. The scene ended with the girlfriend jerking off the man's cock into her boyfriends mouth. I still think about this scene today and it still excites me!
My last name Delsanto. When I was 15 I got a job working in a small local grocery store. About a year later a girl with the last name of Delsanto began working there as a cashier and she was incredibly hot. She was petite, had dark frizzy big hair (it was the 80s after all) and ALWAYS wore bold dark red lipstick. Just looking at her made me get a hard on, but not why you think. I did not fantasize about fucking her. I fantasized about BEING her. I wanted to dress sexy like her and wear her red lipstick. I'd watch her smoke a cigarette and then reapply her lipstick afterward and then I would have to run to the men's room, go into a stall, and jerk off thinking about what she was wearing and how it would be to be dressed like her. She got hit on by lots of guys even significantly older ones and I was jealous. My jealousy had nothing to do with my wanting her (I didn't.....I never ever fantasized about sex with her), but simply the fact that I wished I could be just like her and get hit on by guys. By this time my sexual fantasies were focused on crossdressing and my budding curiosity of being with a man while dressed.
Around this time I accidently discovered hidden in a basement closet a brown shopping bag full of VHS tapes with my father's handwriting on the labels. What I eventually figured out was that he would go to the local video store and rent a porn tape that they kept in a back room. He'd bring it home and make a copy using a second VCR, then return the rented tape. I don't know when he watched them, but I watched them every chance I could. This was my first time actually seeing porn. Most of it was straight oriented but there was at least one bi male movie. It was summertime so I was home from school and didn't have to go to work at the store until the afternoon and both my parents were working all day. So I spent many mornings wearing my mothers clothes that were beginning not to fit anymore. watching porn and masturbating. I learned it was more pleasurable to edge myself than to cum right away. In the beginning I had to be careful I didn't cum in her panties or leave any stains on them, but luckily I discovered a worn out pair she threw out in the bathroom garbage that I took and wore often.
Watching straight porn I automatically identified as the female in the scene. I wished I could be her - to look look like her, to be dressed sexy like she was, and be used by a man. The men always had big cocks and mine was so tiny. Even fully erect I barely made 5 inches. Today it's more like 4 inches and rarely does it get hard. And I fantasized about what it would like to be on my knees sucking on those cocks and being bent over and fucked in my ass by them. It's what I thought about every night when I went to bed.
The bi male movie really excited me. The premise was the girlfriend wanted to watch her boyfriend being fucked by another man. Watching two hot guys make out and then fuck was just incredible! And to top it off, I vividly remember the man who was invited by the girlfriend being dressed in black leather from head to toe. That's when I realized that men in leather were a real turn on for me. I see a man wearing leather and my panties get instantly wet! The boyfriend was forced to sit on a dildo and then had to lick and suck the man in leather's cock while the girlfriend watched and called him a fa**ot. The scene ended with the girlfriend jerking off the man's cock into her boyfriends mouth. I still think about this scene today and it still excites me!
2 місяці(-в) тому
